Kiss Of Secrets

new years resolution list!

2012-01-29T01:01:00.001-08:00

2012 new years resolution list!

Enjoy!

1. Quit smoking by summer

- i want to start being healthy and saving more money, so I figured that this is a good place to start.

2. Reach my goal weight of 130 by 2013.

- i am currently 235! Which is new news to me , just found that out today. I last had a weigh in in august? And i was 262lbs. So since then i have lost 27 lbs roughly!

3. Get a job

- i would really like to have a good job so I can start my life and get to my goals.

4. Get into a regular exercise routine and diet and keep it!

- again, another thing i want for myself so I can be healthy and live a good full life.

5. Go back to college and get my career started.

- my ultimate dream, is to be a music artist. . . But i can settle for a photographer or a writer. My other two passions.

6. Get into a good bible study and maybe a youth group and maybe even lead the band one day!

- it would be nice to get deeper into my faith and develop a stronger relationship with god. :-)

That is all i have planned for my life right now! Hope you enjoyed my goals and dreams.

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what now ?

2012-01-29T00:49:00.001-08:00

Hey there!

As promised, i am making a blog updating how my life is going.

So, lets start with my homeless subject. . .

I got evicted on the 17th for letting a friend of a friends friend stay the night because he was a wanted fugitive. And the sniper team, the swat team and half a dozen police officers showed up the next day to arrest him. Lesson learned enough said. I had no idea he was a wanted fugitive. No one did.

As you all know, i was with an amazing guy named haze. But recently his x girlfriend started causing some problems and a lot of messed up stuff happened. Rumour had it that my boyfriend wasn't so into me and was only using me and he stated that it was not true. Ok . . Well, i could see that he had things that he needed to work out with himself and other people, so i put things at a hault until he figured everything out and if he still wanted me then we would see how it went. . . But no word so far.

I only want his happiness and i am always going to be there for him. No matter what happens.

I now feel like it was the wrong choice to do that, but there is nothing i can do now. I will always love and respect him until he gives me a reason not to.

In the process of finding another apartment, i am staying with my aunt until we can figure things out. And i had to give my dog up. . .my pride and joy . . But he is better off. . . . . .

I have an appointment set up for Monday morning to go apply for an apartment in my hometown. And i am happy, but i am sad. Because i will miss everyone i knew in Salem.

I made four dozen cookies today! 19 cupcakes and lasagna for dinner! I also cleaned the house. So Im on a role!

Tomorrow i have church and then making out a good game plan i hope. Starting with dinner and going from there lol.

But so far, that is all that has happened. So I will keep you posted on things soon! I have a few more blogs to post today, so look for those.

Your blogger girl,

Elle <3

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back again...

2012-01-28T01:05:00.001-08:00

I know i know !

I haven't made a blog in way too long once again... But a lot of things have happened and i have to now blog from my phone because my computer got stolen :(

So i am sorry for the lack of blogs. I will be posting more blogs in the near future .

Maybe tomorrow after i clean my aunts house i will blog ^_^

Your blogger girl,

Elle

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Gotta Be Somebody....

2012-01-09T00:26:00.000-08:00

Listening to some of my life changing songs, and waiting for my boyfriend to wake up can be tiring considering i know that there are a MILLION things i NEED to do, but dont WANT to do at the moment....like, even though i'm sure you guys don't really care lol i'll give you a list anyways, that way i can look over it for myself as well without wasting paper.
lets see...
i need to;

vaccume
sweep
mop
take trash out
gather up my laundry
clean the bathroom
clean the kitchen
do dishes
etc..

sigh*
how did we wind up like this?
i know how....because you NEVER take the flippen time of day to stop being IMMATURE and SELFISH to actually listen to someone when they talk! and i know i'm just being exaggerated with my feelings and how i am expressing them....but seriously? you bullshit someone about "oh i'll always be there for you whenever you need me, i'll always listen and care." actual translation? "yeah sure i GUESS i'll sit there and listen to you like i give a damn, but only when it's convenient for ME and when i'm done listening to your bullshit, im gonna leave...so um...go ahead...talk..."

*sigh* WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!
a year of new starts, and i start out the year listening to an immature little kid....awesome...

i know i am WAY bi-polar! that WHOLE rant was about one of my friends...he is seriously pissing me off to NO end....but it's whatever i guess...i dont HAVE to put up with him, i CHOOSE to...not like he really cares either way...BUT whatever..
this is just me ranting, and the whole reason behind that rant was because while blogging this i was talking with him and he started ..... nevermind .... JUST NEVERMIND....
anyways...

so um...i need to clean the house but i need to seriously GET OUT of this house! because unless i call up my BEST friend Jordan, i am seriously gonna go INSANE! because no one else will listen. and i dont want to say what i was gonna say....so um...
im just gonna go do that..
sorry for the off blog today guys. hopefully it wont be so angry or so bipolar next time. . . bleh!
there's gotta be somebody out there....

Another Day....Another Breath

2012-01-07T17:04:00.000-08:00

so it has been RIDICULOUSLY too long since i have posted a blog i KNOW. lol.
i have just been super busy lately, and i haven't really been in the mood to blog. sorry about that. but i'm back and i should be back on track with posting daily. ^_^
so A LOT has happened since December 23rd of 2011. . . and i have NO idea where to begin!
so i guess i can sum it up with Christmas Eve all the way through present day. :)

so in summary my Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was pretty good. got a lot of really great presents from my family and i had a blast spending time with them. . . i found out that i am moving out of my stupid apartment very VERY soon!!! me and my mother were having this debate over when the lease on this place was up, and i said it was the first of February and she said it was the end of february......WELLLLL........she won...lol damn her!
oh well. i am SO happy to FINALLY get out of this place!!!
i found this really SUPER cute apartment that is kind of perfect for me and my puppy Sammie :)
my boyfriend might be moving in with us though in March. but that isnt set and stone quite yet.
but it is over by state street RIGHT next (or slightly down the street from) the psycho ward!!! haha....but it is quiet, and it is upstairs. but lucky for me, the garbage is really close, it's quiet, and the staircase is only one flight. so i am super happy about that. and it's kind of cute. because the stairs are kind of small lol, well the steps are. and they have carpet on them, but there is one really creepy thing about the apartment, right outside of my door on the ceiling is the door to the attic. *shivers* lol HAUNTED MUCH!? esp. with being next to the crazy place.

anyways.
my new years kind of sucked......my boyfriend Max decided to make a decision without me and leave where he was and go to another place, and we have only talked like......one? time since then....soooo..kinda sux ass...
BUT i am with an AMAZING guy named Haze right now, and he is SO good to me! i love him <3
idk...i guess i just adore how romantic he is :)
i dont want to repeat everything that has happened, because i feel like that's all i do is talk about it.
but i will name a few things that i loved so far.

1. he was really romantic with me when he was re-teaching me how to play the wii
2. i love how he looks at me when he says he loves me, or just in general.
3. how i dont hear how beautiful or sexy i am every second of the day, so when he does compliment anything about me it's really special and i can appreciate it more.
4. his humor
5. how when we cuddle i feel like the world just stops spinning for moments at a time, and how he plays with my hair.
6. when he sleeps, he lays on my lap and i look down at him, he looks so happy and so peaceful. and all i want for him is happiness. which we sealed with a kiss when we agreed to make each other the happiest we could :)

anyways...so much more.
but we have this odd schedule lol it kind of makes me giggle.
he will come over for 2 days, then leave for a day and then come back over for 2 days and then leave for a day and so on. haha. it's kind of funny.

anyways, so me and Haze's anniversary is now officially (as of the day we got together) (omg...DUH! lol....fail...)
is January 2nd, 2012.
one day after mine and hiei's and one day before Sotros's birthday. haha....EPIC!
but yeah...
i'm kind of disappointed in the responses that i have gotten from some people. a lot of people responded nicely and were happy for me, but a select few weren't so supportive...but that's ok, i mean, i get where they are coming from to a point.
anyways, comment below and tell me how your holidays have been!
peace!

your blogger girl,
Annabelle

being depressive

2011-12-23T20:44:00.001-08:00

I really hate when people say that depression is a choice....its not....and I am living proof of that ..

I'm really going to miss u.....

Being single is going to suck....please god....lead me in the right direction.... lead me to where you have planned me to be in life...never let me go and protect my heart and soul from those out there who intend on destroying them....give me your armor...so im always ready for a battle... and give me your strength...so when the time comes... I am strong enough to say no more.....

Amen.

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take the journey with me!

2011-12-21T15:01:00.001-08:00

Take the journey with me as I read through the Bible

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IT'S ALMOST HERE!

2011-12-20T15:52:00.000-08:00

CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE!!!!!!!
are you guys excited????
i know i am! i cant believe how incredibly fast December has flown by!!!! it just blows my mind....
hopefully my last 2 weeks or so of December are going to go on healthy and happy!

i went down to the Emergency room Sunday night for extreme pelvic, rib, and back pains :(
i was bleeding so much it was absolutely ridiculous! so, they did a whole bunch of procedures and tests and stuff, and said they would call me about them...but so far the only phone call i have recieved was them telling me that my test results came back for any std's gonorrhea and clamidia and they were all negative. which did NOT surprise me at all lol.
but no other phone calls have been made to me. *sigh* i hate when they are so slow....lol.

anyways, on the positive side, i got someone to watch my dog until i can get back :) which really makes me happy.
and apparently i have like this....package that was delivered to my aunts house with my name on it, and i never ordered it, and she SAYS she never did, and she SAYS she doesnt know who sent it lol but we will see. i'm gonna see what it is tonight around 7 or 8 lol. i wonder what it is.........haha. weird?

so, what did you guys ask for for Christmas?
and do you think that you will get what you asked for?

my other question to you guys is, what does Christmas mean to YOU?
what are some family traditions? comment below and tell me!

Christmas to me has ALWAYS been the celebration of our lord and savior Jesus Christ. ^_^
and i stick by that 100%
the presents are just some fun thing that we all do because of the wise men.
some family traditions of MINE are driving around on Christmas Eve and looking at the lights that people put up :)
hope to hear from you guys soon!

Who Says?

2011-12-14T23:55:00.000-08:00

while shopping at the mall today i saw a lot of insecure people....
people who were tall, short, thin, and thick....
it really kind of opened my eyes, seeing everyone react the way they did today....and most people wouldnt even see what i am talking about, they would just keep their eyes forward....
but me, being the observant kind of girl, noticed this kind of thing today. and i just wanted to make a blog about it to share with you guys.

i guess i should start with where i first noticed it....
i was walking into the Salem Mall downtown, and as i started up the escalator i noticed a woman look behind her at the girl standing in front of me. now, this girl was probably just as old as i was and the woman looked to be a little bit older than myself. and immediately after glancing at the girl in front of me, she looked away and adjusted her clothing, and purse and just kind of looked ahead of her...but it wasnt hard to tell that she felt a little....uncomfortable. that's the first thing i noticed.

later when i was in Torrid (my alltime fav. plus size clothing store!)
i was walking through the pathway and one of the sales clerks smiled at me and asked if there was anything she could help me with. and i honestly just wanted to try on a pair of size 16 pants, to see if they actually would fit (because of how much weight i have been losing i figured why not right?) and she showed me the BEST jeans that i just fell in love with! but it wasnt until i went out to show my aunt what they looked like on me, that i really caught her expression...
she was a little bigger than myself, but completely GEORGEOUS! and she just kind of looked like she wanted to do what i was doing. i'm not saying that is what was really happening, but with her body language and expression, i could see that she wasnt exactly thrilled....but i called her over and asked her what she thought and for some fashion advice and her face lit up right away. and i told her that she had a really good taste in fashion, and that i hope to see her again soon for more. and it just seemed to make her happy..
but when i was walking out of the store, on the first floor i saw two girls walking out of hottopic, revealing things that should be covered up, and i noticed that they were walking off without their friend i guess because some girl ran up to them and was all like "you didnt wait for me lol"
and as i watched, i kind of saw the two girls kind of shun away from that other girl (who was a little bigger than them) and she just kind of seemed to push it off and try to get their attention...

and so on...

so here's what i have to say..
who has the right to make anyone feel like they are not good enough being themselves?
you should be PROUD to look the way you do! big small, short, tall, freckles, blemishes, long hair, short hair WHO CARES! you are BEAUTIFUL inside and out!

so who says, that you cant look absolutely sexy being a little more on the chunky side? maybe you fill it out better than the girls who are nothing but sticks!!
it's how YOU look, and how YOU see yourself is SO SO important :)

and for all those girls who aren't on the chunky side, you guys are beautiful as well!!
so what if you have a tiny bit of pudge in places! we all do! you dont have to be a certain size to define your own natural beauty!!

and anyone who is inbetween, or not. IT DOESNT MATTER!!!
we are ALL beautiful!
so the next time you go to be a critic towards yourself, DONT!
look at yourself and instead of picking out the BAD things that you dont like, try picking out the GOOD things :) and try making more of the good than the bad.
we are all made differently, no one can look exactly like those models plus size or not.
because the reality of it is, is that most of those models, dont even look like they do in the advertisements.
most of them are all PHOTOSHOPPED...so imagine how that would make the model feel knowing that even as she is naturally, they STILL have to photoshop that picture of her....

so just take that into consideration for a moment..
i used to bash myself all the time. until i started looking at the positives, and not the negatives.
women: look at how your legs look in those sexy jeans you took SO long to put on!
or how about those shoes you wanted soo bad that cost you most of your extra money that are killing your feet!? but they look sooo good :)
or how about that new bra you wanted so you could wear that one shirt :) your top half looks amazing and you couldnt feel better about it!
dont worry about your knees, or your elbows, or your chin, or your butt, or ankles, or how broad or narrow your shoulders are! who cares anyways? we all have them, and they're not all perfect, it's not like we go around staring at those particular points on other people. so what makes you think that other people do it to you? your body is YOURS and that alone makes it perfect!

and men: some of you throw whatever looks alright, some of you have to go for the comfort, some of you dont care either way as long as it looks good, and some of you HAVE to make way like a woman lol and make sure nothing is imperfect and things match, etc... (shout out to all the fellow gay men!!)
dont worry about it. your hair looks fine!
your breath doesnt smell (most of the time lol)
who cares if you havent showered that day!? some women like to smell your natural scent! (no not your arm pit stank lol.)
your muscles look fine, no matter how big.
you guys are exactly perfect the way you are too!! now, i may not know a whole lot about the way a man thinks when it comes to fashion, or when it comes to looking decent....but i know enough to say, that you dont have to worry about anything either.
put your ego to rest, and love what you have! ALL OF YOU.
it's not all a contest. because what you have...is exactly perfect for YOU.
you dont have to put other dudes down for not having what you have, or what someone else has.

did you know? that most male models (the ones who do the whole underwear thing) lose a little of their pride, because according to statistics, almost every photographer makes them STUFF their underwear so that they look much bigger than they do just to attract people for their advertisement?
ever think of that?
i bet not..
did you know? that most men, who do those kind of ad's, actually dont like their self image off set, because of how drastically they have to change their image sometimes to meet the mark of what the photographer is looking for? .... that's not ok...

who says that your not perfect the way you are? why cant we just be put into the world for what we look like and who we are?
i know that i would much rather see an ad with a REAL guy or girl on it showing their IMPERFECTIONS than the photoshop...because i like to be practical when it comes to things.
and lets be real for a second.
if they photoshop the living shit out of the pictures....how in the HELL are we supposed to really know and count on what to expect when we go out to look at what is being advertized? .....

i vote for all natural! because that's how we all were brought into this world, and that's how we are going to go out!
any one else agree??

Heartbreak and liars...

2011-12-12T12:30:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone....

I judt wanted to kind of talk about things that are more serious..

If u have ever had your heart broken then you know how bad it hurts to think that the one person u trusted could do that to u.

Its unfortunate and gut wrenching...when u invest ur time .. Ur love .. Ur trust.. Into someone only to have them stab you in the back

And so maNY. People just cannot handle the heartache....I'm one of them...but I can tell u now....things will brighten up and u will get stronger with every step...its gonna happen more than once...just remember that with every heart break or pain...u get another piece of armor. Because love...is a battlefield and u better go get ur armor.

Keep going strong....life will turn around sooner than u know it.

Remember how to save a life..

Your blogger girl

Annabelle

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La la ha ha hobey ho!

2011-12-11T17:34:00.001-08:00

I honestly have no idea haha.

I had such a fun time today though. Took some Benadryl last night and passed outtt. Lol I guess thats how u get to sleep these days .

Anyone else have this problem with Benadryl? Leave me a comment Nd let me know!

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what i wrote for my boyfriend

2011-12-10T02:21:00.001-08:00

<3
this heart isn't just a creation made with a keyboard...this heart represents my love for you. it represents my heart, and how you will always have it. no matter what.
you are the best thing that has ever been mine, and even though we go through hard times, we can pull through it together, because we are a strong couple.

i know that life doesnt seem very fair, but no one said you had to follow the rules to succeed. so cheat a little. smile simply because you can, and laugh whenever you get the chance. because life is short, karma is a bitch, and you are too special to just let it slip away.

i've been in a very ... imaginative mood lately, and i'm inspired to write things like this because of how happy i am..how life seems to turn around when you least expect it. and the love i know i can count on for once in my life...
no matter how much fire surrounds me, you put out the flames and they turn to ashes, because they are just another thing trying to bring us down...but we can just as easily blow them away.

if we work at things, one step at a time, and dont take two steps back, i know we can win the game of life. i know there will be times when we go bankrupt, and get into trouble...but in life...you cant just use a get out of jail free card..you have to actually get up and get yourself out of it. . . but you dont have to do it alone. because i will be right there.
so the next time you feel down...and feel that life just isn't worth it... or you feel like giving in (haha) remember what's worth fighting for, and what is worth your tears.
because, the bad things in life will make you cry and break your heart, but the good things in life wont make you cry, and will heal those scars.

i love you max. i hope this helped :)

Happy December!

2011-12-09T20:18:00.000-08:00

So it is December 9th of 2011 and it is FINALLY starting to turn into winter.
i havent exactly considered it December quite yet, just because it has been like, sunny and then it has been rainy, and then it has been sunny again and overcast. so it hasnt really been the "december winter" mark yet.
but!
last night around midnight or so, i looked out my window, and i saw SPARKLES drifting in the air!!! and i was SOOO excited, because those little "sparkles" are actually CRYSTALS from the fog! which meaaannnss, that it is getting colder, and winter is right around the corner!! soo, i am so excited to finally officially be in the winter term. because that means MORE hot chocolate and marshmallows, more fire's in the fireplace (or in my case a digital one on my tv haha!) and more bonding time between friends and family.
i just think that December is kind of like Valentines day, but for loved ones OUTSIDE of relationships :) because it just brings people together.
it is also known to jack your money lol. but that's alright.

so, i want to say thank you to those of you who have been faithfully keeping up with my bloggs, it means a lot to me... and i will make a blog about why i decided to start blogging and stuff like that.

OK.
so i'm going to say my DECEMBER FAVORITES so far :)
and i have to say, i have NEVER done a 'month' favorite for any month or any season before, so this will be my first one, but i have watched a lot of youtube blogs where they do that and i thought it would be kind of fun.
so here we go..

so, as far as it goes for make up, i dont really like to wear a whole lot of make up, just because i want to look really natural and fresh, and i dont want a pound of make up on my face, i want people to see what i really look like and not all that paint and stuff.
and really my main concern, is just my flaws (obviously you cant hide every flaw with make up but you get it).
like for example, my skin tone on my face, varies. depending on the day. which is kind of unfortunate...because i would really just like to have one skin problem, and not a whole bunch. but here's what happens.
sometimes i have super dry and oily skin, especially after taking a shower. so what i do, is i take Olay face wipes and i get them wet with warm water, and i just basically wipe my face off, and it doesnt exactly clean your face like a face WASH would, but it does take away any oil and loose loose dirt and freshens up your face. so i would really reccomend that to people with dry and or oily skin.
and then after i do that, i put a little bit of my fav. kind of lotion on, and it's called silky smooth (i think lol)
and i dont put that much on, because all u really need is a little bit. and it's lightweight, it isnt oily or make your skin feel weird afterwards, it actually moistens your skin after it sinks in a little and after the dry down (after it's applied) you actually get this really beautiful glow. and it brings out the natural glow of your skin. so i love that.

and for make up, all i do is take a triangle (or circle) make up sponge, and i take the Revlon's photoready powder (i use the 020 light/medium) and dab some onto the sponge and just kind of gently caress it into my skin on my face and neck, not too much but i usually only need to dab the sponge on the powder (it's packed powder not loose) once or twice for it to fully cover my skin. and it does an amazing job! and it has lasted me a very long time.
so then i take my neutrogena sheer highlighting blush (healthy skin blends pure 22) and i take a brush (medium sized) and i just brush it across the pallet and tap off the excess and apply it to my cheekbones, a little on the bridge of my nose and my chin (and i only swipe it once!) and it really does give you a nice glow.

sometimes i will put on eyeliner, but most of the time i will just throw on some mascara and some lip protection and call it good.
so those are my favorites :)

as far as jewelry and clothes go, i have currently been wearing a necklace that my boyfriend gave to me :) it's a silver chain with a little silver angel with kind of a fishnet looking design for the dress, and a blue gem in the middle that is in the shape of a heart. and i just love it... i love love love angels, and the blue looks really really nice, and it just compliments everything that i wear. so i love that.

and for clothes, i havent exactly had the money to really go out and buy a whole lot of things..but i did purchase some super nice jeans recently and they are just a dark blue with the lighter blue almost frosty blue/white on them for slimming looks, and those are really nice to wear with like, boots or just regular sneakers.
um...
oh! i have recently fallen in LOVE with Suave's new hair conditioner called silky, or sheek or something. its' the grey bottle with like red/orange on it. it's just a simple look but the conditioner is super effective! it really does take down the frizz in my hair and i just LOVE how thick the creme is. like, i hate it when conditioner is really runny ... it just really bothers me, but this one, is really thick and it glides through your hair and when you go to wash it out, you can feel just how much it has worked in just one use! your hair i swear, willl feel like you are feeling silk sheets. it is that silky smooth! even AFTER it dries, weather you blow dry it or air dry it, your hair will be JUST as silky smooth (which you dont get a lot) and SUPER shiny. my hair has never looked so healthy, and it's only a 1.79 or something. (closer to 2 dollars) so that's super cheap!

anyways. that's all i have so far, for december favorites.

i hope you guys have a wonderful day or night and i will talk to you in my next blog!
dont forget to comment below and tell me at least 3 of your December favorites! i would love to know what else there is out there that has worked for you guys!

your blogger girl,
Annabelle

And here i though YESTERDAY sucked....

2011-12-07T13:19:00.000-08:00

Today is just going to be one of those days.....and just like yesterday, i'm not too happy about it...
last night was probably one of the worst nights ever.....and i'm just about ready to throw my towel in and say "forget this, i deserve better" .......because ALL i ever get these days....is DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA...

my brother (by friendship adoption only) is trying to convince me to move to Lebanon with him, and asked me to move IN with him....and any other time, i would just laugh and tell him he was crazy...but now... with everything that is going on with my boyfriend max and our family.....getting away from it all for awhile...and being around other people...kind of sounds nice....

i'm trying to not get my hopes up about mine and max's future...because right now...it's not going anywhere but downhill.......and his family..is driving me INSANE....all they care about is control, r**e, abuse, and getting their way......they dont even care about how other people feel....and i have been trying to be patient with them....but i just cant anymore...

his dad wants me to move in with them....so they can all be a "family" again...BUTTTT.....i dont think that's such a hot idea....considering the fact that i'm already peeved out with his dad and if i lived with him....that just would not be on the recommended list for me...
*sigh*

apparently he is on his way here... (max) ...and that's so exciting...
but things always happen to prevent it...like...no joke...something ALWAYS happens...and it's getting a little too convenient....
ne'ways...

if he shows up at my door...i SWEAR i'm gonna faint! lol.
no joke dude.....because it's been forever since i've seen him, and when i get to see him again, i'm gonna faint lol.

anyways...
i really need some help......my heart says one thing, while my head says another....
and right now....i dont know WHAT to do.....i dont have any one to talk to about it who is on the "in" when it comes to mine and max's relationship except my best friend jordan, and he is at school right now lol.
i know that i should just chill out ..... but i cant....because i know how this is going to end....and i am just SO DAMN SICK AND TIRED of all this drama!....it may be someone's fantasy and someone's FUCKED UP mind to love being around all that and all......which is fine... FOR THEM .... but i'm NOT that kind of girl....and i went through that with my EX boyfriend....and i REFUSE to go through it again.....

and i just KNOW that something fishy is up.......i can sense it.......
and this is just how i feel......well.....for the past 2 days, it's how i have felt..
but then again i am VERY bi-polar....
haha...

confusing arent i?

this will probably all blow over in a few days, and things will be back to how they were before.....but i really dont have a few days to give you.....
if you can prove to me, that this is everything you say it is....and that it's not anything like what happened before...and you actually follow through with your plans....then we will talk...

until then...........please..........just stop twisting my heart around and fucking with my emotions and my trust for other people...dont ruin it....i'm a person too....and i just want to live my life with what's real, fun, and worth it.....i've made my share of mistakes.....dont punish me for them.....i'm trying to move forward with my life....and i DO NOT have to do that, with all the bullshit.....i have a choice not to.....but i am.....and it's killing me... JUST END IT....please.....

because if you dont......by this time february/march.....i will be in lebanon, living a new life...
because it's just too painful....to live this one....

your blogger girl,
Annabelle

This Sucks....

2011-12-06T15:43:00.000-08:00

You know....i try my best to be an understanding person....i try to be patient....and i try not to get too uptight about things....but it doesnt always work that way....like any other human being....

this is the second day in a row that i have felt like i have done something wrong....
i was supposed to see Max yesterday morning, but he never showed up....(personal reasons)
and then he swore he would be here this morning or something like that, and yet again....failed to show....
i feel kind of dumb.....i know there is a reason for things....but 2 times in a row??? and 4 times all together???
i just dont know.....maybe this should be my warning sign....but it's not...and i have no idea why it's not....like...as much as i am tying right now, i just cannot doubt him...i cannot seem to doubt that there is a good reason....
so for the moment, i'm pretending that there isnt a good reason, and that promises are just words, and that i'm really mad at him.
maybe i will feel better knowing that i can at least pretend to be mad at him at a time that i really SHOULD be mad.....

in other news.....
i finally cleaned up my kitchen today.... the counters are sparkling, and the cabinets, and the dishes are done...and that's all i have to say for now i guess...

your blogger girl,

Annabelle

how many songs titles can you spot in this blog? read my blog on how i feel below and find out!

2011-12-05T17:56:00.000-08:00

as far as i'm concerned your just another picture to burn....
state the obvious...i didnt get my perfect fantasy. thanks for the memories...
even though they werent so great...
why should i care?
you were never there....didnt u feel me lock my arms around you, why'd u turn away? i was left to cry there waiting outside there, that's when i decided....
WHY SHOULD I CARE!? u werent there when i was scared, YOU need to listen...i'm starting to trip...
am i just some chick u placed beside u...u used to love me, u used to hug me.
i'll be alright.....
cuz when push comes to shove, u taste what ur made of.
on your knees u look up, decide u've had enough. u get mad u get strong, wipe your hands shake it off. then you stand.
life's like a novel, with the end ripped out.
take what ur given, before its gone, and start holding on keep holding on..
this tanted love you've given....is like kryptonite....
this world couldn't have torn us down....but my only hope left me wondering who owns my heart.
my heart is a stereo, it beats for u so listen close, hear my thoughts in every note. make me a radio, and turn me up when u feel low, sing along to my stereo....
i wanna go, so shut up and drive.
in the end i will rise above this despite the rumors..it's not surprise according to you...
i love you like a love song, you blow me away, but dont trust me....because my give a damns busted...
i am not a whore... i still believe i just wanna live...
tell me something i dont know!
pictures of you are nearly impossible to make me believe i will see you again...
this bitter sweet sacrifice is making me numb and i'm here without you.
what about now? do we continue taking one step at a time?
or do we fall into a supermassive black hole?....i prefer the vanilla twilight.
hurry up and save me, it's not over...
situations are irrelevant now...

but it's over now....
go on and take a bow.

Little Cbibbi Man..

2011-12-05T11:46:00.000-08:00

little chibbi ma-a-a-a-a-a-n " ^o^ "

if you dont know what i am talking about then i suggest going to youtube.com and typing in 'literal pants' in the search box and you will understand what i am talking about :)
i got addicted to that song and animation thing when my boyfriend max introduced me to it..at first i wasnt so sure about it, because it was a parody of yugioh, and i wasnt a big fan of yugioh...but, after watching literal pants, i decided that i would SOOO watch yugioh every saturday morning if that was what happened in the show.

anyways...

i just got over a cold that i had (for what seemed forever) it was stomach flu actually. . .
and it SUCKED! i practically lived in my bedroom =[
but i pulled through it and fought it off....BUT a few days laterrrrr I GET SICK AGAIN!!!
my throat is sore, and i'm coughing up flem...and i get frequent headaches and i get some nausea, and the 'feeling like crap' feelings...and im still sick :( but at least i'm better than i was. for awhile, it was so bad that i was coughing a lot, i coudl barely breathe, and my sinuses were so clogged and runny and stuff, that it made the right side of my face (from the bridge of my nose all the way over) throb and hurt.
*sigh*
i still cough, and sometimes it is harder to breathe, but overall it's not as bad as yesterday or the day before..

i had a good long conversation last night with max....
it wasnt anything bad, so dont worry were still rock solid.
i told him that i wanted him to know everything, that i didnt want to keep secrets. and i showed him my poems, and my suicide note from awhile back and i talked with him about my issues..
and he wanted me to completely open up about it so i could get it off my chest and so he could help me...
so i told him about the way i think, how long ago it started, when it stopped and when it officially kicked in..
i struggle with bulimia....
it started when i was 14 years old. i cant remember why, i cant remember how bad it was...but i can remember making myself puke.
after awhile though, i guess i stopped doing it, because i dont remember doing it any time after that....
but as the years passed, the suppressed emotions of eveything that i was ignoring or pushing off was building up. and October 2011 something snapped....

for awhile i wouldnt eat anything.....i would throw up at the sight/thought/smell of food...i cant stand the images in my head when i think about food and what i will look like after i eat that food....i look in the mirror and it's like i am looking at my worst nightmare....i dont want to feel like i am fat....ugly....unwanted...
and i have my moments/days where i feel the opposite. . . but not as often as i would like...
the only way i like to think that i am beautiful, is through my photos...
i am VERY talented with a camera....i can make illusions (or so i like to call them)
i can make myself look four or five pant sizes smaller
i can thin out my arms and legs, and face...
i know just what angles work, and which ones dont.
(for my own self portraits at least)
i can get a certain angle to make it look like i am younger than i am...
and i have a photoshop station where i can work my magic.
i enhance things, and i deepen others. i bring out what he camera doesnt, i pull the colors out more like they are when you see them in person, i make shadows sometimes that bring out more of the features...i can do anything....it seems..

and my photos are me showing the world, that i really am pretty...and that they should see that person, all the time, even outside the photos...
when i am around people....and i eat...i wait until i get in the comfort of my own home to deal with my .... issues....
but when they arent around......i cant stop myself....and it's a terrible thing...i know that...
but i'm just sick....and there is much more to this than i am saying...but i thought if i gave you the gist of it, it would be good enough...
all i asked for from my boyfriend, was understanding...that he knew where i came from, and how i felt about it and certain habits that i do, that way he wont have to get upset or wonder what is wrong and stuff...
and he told me that he did understand, (which made my world that he understood the way he did!) and that he was going to do his best to help me just as long as i promised to at least try to fix this. (which i did promise)
and he said that we are going to get through this together :) which i absolutely LOVE when he says that kind of stuff ! because it makes me smile...it makes me feel like im not in this by myself with a boyfriend on the side...it makes me feel like i have someone NEXT to me at the same level and understanding, rather than just behind me.. and that means so much.

i've been missing church and small group lately, and it makes me really sad :( not to say that i havent attended, but i'm missing more of it because of being sick a few weeks in a row :(
i LOVE small group, i LOVE my church and my pastor and the kids i work with in the nursery..i was supposed to train with mer. one sunday and i had completely forgotten about it (we were training in the classroom that had 1st grade through 3rd graders during the service)
and i miss everyone there!! *sigh*
i hope that when next sunday rolls around, i wont be feeling too sick to go.
dude...i had my boyfriend over for a little bit while i was sick so he could help me a little bit with things because i was just too miserable and sick to do it, and even then i couldnt really FULLY enjoy the time spent because of that sickness. and i appreciate how he helped me and everything he did do for me. lol i hope i dont get him sick :( but anyways...thank you for helping me when the worst of my cold showed up. i really needed it.
so that's why i have been missing church and small group. because with me being sick for one. there are kids around and i dont want them getting it. two. i wouldnt be able to concentrate very well and i would be the party crasher lol. and three. i would NOT be able to stand the level of volume that goes on there. because of my headaches, i would be just miserable....

i dont know what to do with my zebra ducktape yet.......usually i decorate anything and everything right away. but this time, i honestly have no idea what TO decorate lol. i mean...i could tape my coffee table lol but that wouldnt be very uh....smart.
i could decorate another notebook....but eventually i will just throw it away....waste..
i could decorate my dog....but i dont think he would like that....lol

idk...i'll figure it out at one point. hey! maybe i'll tape my phone up!!! just the back though, because the front is like, harder than hell to even try to tape it lol. that's a good idea! AND they dont have any phone covers for my phone, so i will just have to make my own! SCHWEETNESS!!!

so i watched this girl's youtube and she was showing everyone her scars from her past (like on her legs and arms) and all i could think was, "wow i am so glad that mine do NOT look like that"
they werent deep enough to look purple and dark colors. but they were deep enough to leave a very noticable scar....my biggest scar is on my left arm...
and it's a little over an inch long, and its about....half of your nail (going from one side to the other not up and down in length) wide. right underneath where that is, i got a tattoo that says "strength"
and above that "kenneth" in my dads honor.
and the rest of my scars are just a bit smaller than that (just in width) and then some of them are very small. and can barely be seen...

and just so you know...i DO have a history of cutting myself...
all through my teen years, i was cutting...overdosing on pills...trying to hang myself....doing marijuana, drinking underage, etc...
i dont regret any of it.....i'm sorry for it....but i do not regret it....because it is the reason that i am as STRONG (remember my tattoo? strength? yep) as i am today...i would have never known how to handle myself and grow in those areas had they happened later in life when i felt like i had something to live for....it would ruin everything.

but anyways....
good morning everyone :)
it is 11:43 am on December 5th 2011.
i hope you guys are having a good monday so far.
comment below and tell me anything that you have struggled with when you were younger, and how it affects you now that you have that experience. i would love to hear what you guys have to say!

your blogger girl,
Annabelle

I feel like Bella Swan

2011-12-04T12:17:00.000-08:00

last night, was the best night of my life :)
i know that things can get better, and that it probably wasn't even close to what lays ahead...but for now, it was amazing. <3

how is everyone else's Sunday going? tonight i am making chili again lol. i guess that just goes to show how well i liked making chili. haha...
i should probably make out a grocery list, but considering that i dont know how long i have until i am going to the store....i might have anywhere between a half an hour, to four at this rate lol. soooo......maybe i should make one just in case.
but i never really do good with grocery lists...only because i have no idea on how to write them out..because i am so used to just going to the store and grabbing what i want and swiping my card and letting that be that lol...
im not sure i want to only get food to make things with though, only because i know that once in awhile i wont be in the mood to cook or do dishes, and i will just want something easy....but that isnt exactly the healthiest either....BLEH!

anywhoo..
the reason i feel like Bella Swan is because she lived a fantasy with Edward Cullen :) and right now, i am living a fantasy with my boyfriend Max. it seems at least lol. that may sound unusual....but that's just how it is i guess? i have no idea....what are the signs of living in a fairytale?

1. when a touch can set you on fire
2. when he/she (depending on if this is in a male's view or a womans) is just how you pictured your dream person
3. when the villain of the story is those little debates you two have
4. when you hang onto every word
5. when you would do anything (or BE anything) for that person.
6. when you feel like the whole world is like a virtual one because everywhere you go you feel like it's perfect. even when that person isnt with you
7. when you are in danger, and the only thing that solves the problem is your courage and strength. (or maybe your lover in tin foil)
8. when you start doodling their names with hearts or little cute things surrounding it.
9. when you are so close, you can feel what each other feels
10. when you have the best of both worlds between 'romantic' and 'bad' :)
11. when you can still feel the sensation of their touch....even hours later.
12. when the things that usually spark a fight, turn into you two teasing each other and laughing about it and kissing at the end
13. when you can relate to the video "better life" by Keith Urban
14. when you feel like harry potter spells and volturi men and one ring to rule them all is nothing compared to your lovers capabilities and both your love.
15. when you dance around in your living room in your underwear with a stapler as your microphone singing along to the blaring music lol.
16. when you can picture yourself with them when you guys are old and grey and you still look at each other like you did when you first fell in love.

.....i mean....

what?

Well...today just sucks doesn't it?

2011-12-04T01:44:00.000-08:00

So it's December 4th, 2011.....and there are more memories on this day than on any other day of the year! lol...
1. a parent's death
2. an ex's anniversary
3. getting casts off

i wish i could do more than i am doing....my boyfriend Max is going through a really rough time...and i feel like i cant do enough for him....i would do anything.....just to see him smile. even if that means making myself look completely and utterly retarded...
there is just so much emotion going on in December that it's not even funny.

but on the plus side of things...we are watching the fresh prince of belard... or however it's spelled haha.
and that is taking his mind off of things. :) as long as he is ok in some way i can breathe.
haha. i feel like this is my job or something ^_^

because i log on everyday and i write to you guys out there, and i feel like it's almost like i'm telling you guys the story of my life... haha kind of ironic considering i love to write.

HAHAH me and max just did the same thing ^_^ we do that a LOT.
there was this commercial that at the end it says "bum bum bum bum bum bum bum" lol. the "we are farmers" one....and we totally just did it at the same time.
haha. CUZ WERE COOL LIKE THAT!

anyways ...
he keeps trying to look at my blog when i am still typing it up......and i am typing this sentence right now without looking so he wont peek lol

anyways i have to cut this short because he wont quit peeking lol.

but today will hopefully get better. :)
oh..and another exciting thing!!!
i am just inches (acutally cm) away from being in size 16 pants!!! my 18's are getting a little big on me ^_^
my goal is to be a size 10.
i hope that i can get there :)
but please, keep my boyfriend in mind the next time you go to pray. :) i know i would really appreciate it.

your blogger girl,

Annabelle

Bleh =/

2011-12-01T16:35:00.000-08:00

I’m sorry I haven’t updated my blog in awhile…my internet has been down lately, so I have been on my phone. And it is harder to blog on my phone lol. I am typing this up on my computer’s Microsoft word processor on December 1st, 2011 at 5:22 am.

Just a note… If you don’t like the things that I blog…please don’t read them..they are meant as a journal entry type thing and to keep those I love around me on the inside, so they may know what happens behind the face book statuses and wall….so if you think that my statuses are too much information…then you wont like my blog lol. It’s my blog, and I can write what I want freely…it’s your own choice to read it or not…
Moving on…

This is day 3 of that time of month…(this is why I warned u about not reading it if you don’t like it) and I am really surprised that I haven’t had to make a trip to the store yet…it’s actually really really light…
And that is very unusual for me. My boyfriend likes to joke around and say “ohh your pregnant!” haha. But I’m not. He wishes though. Soon enough love, soon enough =D

It’s one of those nights where I cant sleep =/
I have those once in awhile…usually I would be hella tired right now, but this probably has something to do with the 2-3 hour “nap” that I took earlier…I didtn really have a choice in taking it though lol. (personal reasons)
I have been in this really weird mood lately….I have been in the mood to clean and COOK…which is very much strange…because usually I don’t have any desire to cook at all…but I made my very first home made chili yesterday! And it turned out great! I was super excited =D
I am so grateful for my church family and my friends =)
The other day 2 families from my church donated 4 bags? Of food to me and 2 additional boxes of food! It was sooooo sweet of them, and I cannot describe how much I appreciated it!
It makes me happy to know that I have a strong family behind me. I just wish I could do the same for them =( I am sure that I will soon enough, but right now, I am struggling with being able to get the things that I need. I only get 15 dollars a week now, and that has to go for food for my dog, my hygiene, and anything else that comes up that I may need. I DO get foodstamps. I get 200 dollars a month.

I just need to figure out how to smart shop…I haven’t exactly gotten into that habit yet. I mean…I’m getting BETTER with each coming month, but it takes time I guess. I should probably make out a grocery list….ugh…..I used to love making out a grocery list…but now it just seems like another chore…lol.
Just because, if I want it to last the whole month I have to be careful about things, and actually compare prices, and stuff like that….BLEH!
For the past 2 months I have been buying sandwich stuff, because I didn’t want to cook or get anything messy lol just for a meal? …no way.. Haha. But now I kind of want to get back into that habit of cooking healthy foods and stuff.
I already have one picked out! I’m gonna make a stir fry…it’s gonna have fried veggies and a light teriyaki/beef juice to it, and some tomatoes over some white rice…..mmm..YUMMY!
=)

I was also thinking about making rice balls with some sort of sea meat in it (like crab or shrimp) and some fried veggies on the side. Seems healthy enough right? Lol.
Maybe a casserole? Idk….now I’m just making myself hungry lol. And eating right before you sleep is I guess “proven” to make you gain weight…..although I don’t know what the difference is? Because all I really do is sit on my couch or get up and clean anyways…so it’s almost the same equivalent as tossing and turning lol. …. Right?

Anyways….I made some awesome buys on black Friday! I got 60 dollars worth of stuff for only 25!
And at bath and body works too!!! That’s a really good deal!
=D
Just a kiss by lady antebellum is in the radio right now!!!!
That’s me and my boyfriends song!!!
OMG…
I just realized that me and him have been together for 3 months exactly tomorrow!!!
Where does time go!?! I cant believe that it has already been 3 months….wow….
3 more and it will be half a year! Wow….. And I KNOW how fast December is gonna fly by!
Geeze….before I know it I’ll be 20 too!
OMG!!! ……I’ll be 20 this August….my gosh…I’m rushing way too far ahead lol. My birthday isn’t for another *thinks* ……….. 7 months lol.
I do that a lot…..I get to thinking about the future and then I tend to forget that I am still back in the present and I tend to freak out lol. That’s ok though, it’s kind of fun to visit the possibilities of the future ^_^ once in awhile that is.

*sigh*

I think that I am on my blog more than I am in my own journal…..and I LOVE my journal…lol. That’s bad!
I only have maybe 30 or so pages of my journal left, that’s how much I wrote in it. When it probably started out with like….300 pages? Idk…I’m comparing to a notebook lol.
Anyways. Point being, I need to write in my journal more often!
<3 I have become COMPLETELY obsessed with candles! Haha…. I especially love the candles that are in the glass jar things…doesn’t matter what kind, just ones that are enclosed in them so that when they melt down, the wax becomes clear and then disappears! It’s fascinating to me =) and It fills the room with TONS of fragrance ON TOP of the smell that it has when I spray my body mist on and when I take a shower lol. Ahhh, the joys of candles. Hehe.
I told my aunt to tell everyone who asks what I want for Christmas that I want a gift certificate to bath and body works and wall plug ins that are those smelly things…u know….the glade ones that have the smelly oils in it and you plug it into your wall and it has a little fan in it that blows the fragrance into the air lol. Yeah! Those.

I am obsessed with the smells
1. Lavender
2. Vanilla
3. Strawberry
4. Cherry
5. Hazelnut
6.sweet pea

And anything candy like !
But my favorites are number one and two on the list above ^ ^

I really want that gift certificate to bath and body works though!!!! Dude….I’m praying that I get some from my family. And if they know how expensive it is there they know that it requires at least 25 dollars lol. Well…I hope they know that. Haha.
I really want to get a few candles and maybe a bigger bottle of my fav. Fragrance but I’m thinking more towards the candles! Haha….
Ok well goodnight. I’m gonna try to get some sleep…………….after I get something to eat…..hahah bad!!!

Your blogger girl
-Annabelle
xoxo

Black Friday!

2011-11-25T13:23:00.000-08:00

sooo i am completely broke lol and i cant shop ON black friday, BUT i do know that, i am going to the mall today with my mamma and uncle to get him a new mouse for his computer and he is taking us out to eat...
although i think i will only be drinking something, because every time i try to eat, i throw it up.
BUT BUT BUT
today has been MUCH better than most. the only thing that hurt today, was my back, and it's starting to feel better already :)
my stomach kind of hurts, but not as bad as the other days when i couldnt hardly get out of bed. i think it's from all that sleeping i did :) so that's really good! BUT......i still cant eat :( my mamma made me toast this morning and i could only eat a few bites of it before feeling too sick to eat anymore.....bleh....
so i think i'll just stick to liquids for awhile. :(
i am super excited to go to the mall though! i know i wont be purchasing anything, but i know that my best friend Jordan will be purchasing the game he has been wanting for a month! lol. or more idk.
and i know that my uncle will, and my sister and her neighbor will! so while they are all out doing that i wish them a happy and fun and SAFE shopping trip :)

i'm going home today, so my dog will probably be sooo excited :) i'm bringing him a LOT of meat from the dinner and a bone. so he should be pretty satisfied. and if you havent already, please go look at my photography album. i posted some new pictures up of some of the things i like to play around with lol.

i watched post thanksgiving football today and it ROCKED! it's still going on kinda, but i kinda zoned out to come in here and blog lol. i'm such a nerd!
i'm on anti-biotics for awhile, which they arent really the kind of anti-biotics that you would think that they would be...but they REALLY help. so i guess that's ok :) and they take away the pain for a time letting me live a little outside of the bedroom :)

i am super excited to be home though, not that i havent enjoyed being with my momma and uncle, but you start to miss the 'home' essence, and my dog! :)
so....i think that's it...but i hope all of you had a GREAT thanksgiving! and i hope that you all had a safe trip home and have a safe trip where ever you go today if you plan to go shopping at all today, and tomorrow as well. so happy thanksgiving and happy shopping!

leave a comment below and tell me what your fav.. thanksgiving food was this year! and what you planned to or did buy on Black Friday :) i would LOVE to hear what you guys have to think!

my favorite thanksgiving food this year, was probably the ham that my momma made! it was KICK ASS :)

Blah Blah Blah Blah

2011-11-23T11:45:00.000-08:00

Good morning!
i hope that today will be a better day than yesterday...although i can already feel that it's going to be stressful :(
i woke up with excruciating back pain :( normally my back wont hurt this bad, but today it just HURTS...and it really bothers me. like...i tried popping my back to get some of the stiffness out of it and that helped a little, but now the muscles all up and down my back are aching and everytime i breathe too deep, they hurt. and i also hurt in my pelvic area. =/ .........awesome right?

thanksgiving is tomorrow! who's excited ?
my aunt asked me to bring my camera so i can take pictures, but it's a little challenging to take pictures of the family when they dont want their picture taken lol. i'm really hoping that my sister Laurel will be there!
i have missed her so much, and this would be the first time i have seen her since last year. :(
which i'm going to have to change! we have to see each other more often. but with me living in Salem, and her living in Sweet Home i dont think that it would really be possible without one of us having the extra money to provide for the difference in gas. bleh....stupid high gas prices!

were having thanksgiving in Corvallis with my Uncle Harold's daughter, who's name escapes me. lol
i told my aunt that i would try to make amends with her and try to start over. because the last time i saw her she was a total and utter b**ch.....no offense... BUT nevertheless, i WILL try and see how things go. i have a positive attitude and high hopes, so maybe she and i will get along.
i still have to get ready to go to my aunts. like...i have to pull together my laundry, my camera and my camera charger, my laptop, my laundry soap, my shower essentials. . . um....a game...my brush....my food stamp card...my perfume and lotion. you get the point lol.

i feel so bad for leaving Sammie (my dog) here though :( he has to be in the bathroom and he HATES it....and so do i....but i cant take him with us because my Uncle Howard has 2 little Pomeranian puppies who dont really like him all that much. but they do just fine after they get used to each other....but apparently him staying overnight isn't an option there :(
he's a good dog, he goes outside to go to the bathroom when he needs to, and after awhile he calms down...i wonder if i could con my aunt into letting me bring him....if i brought his leash and made sure he behaved....
anyways.

in the middle of my parking lot there is a LAKE that floods almost the ENTIRE lot....i'm not kidding!
i went out there last night to see how deep it was, and from the bottom of my food, to about 3 inches from my ankle bone is where it reached! that's as far as i would go because it was COLLDDDDD. but that's pretty deep for a puddle!! that's why i call it a lake lmao.

anyways....
i hope everyone has a safe day today, and a safe trip tomorrow for thanksgiving :)
i'm thankful for everything in my life.
comment below and tell me one thing that you are thankful for!!
and i'll see you next time on Annabelle's Super Short Blog!! hahhaa. got that from Disney Channel
(mike's super short show) or something like that lolz.
peace!

Breaking Dawn Part 1 REVIEW....

2011-11-18T23:08:00.000-08:00

SO! as you all know, i FINALLY went to go see Breaking Dawn Part 1 today!
and i am soooo excited about that!
i'm going to split this up into three parts, based on how the movie was divided up.

Part 1- opening and the wedding.

the beginning was PERFECT! i absolutely love how they opened up the movie. it was just how i imagined they would do it. and i think that for a five star rating they got a whopping five!
HOWEVER.....i am a little disappointed about how the wedding actually went...
The ceremony was perfect. i loved how they put Stephanie Meyers in the audience! that was very classy.
but i didn't so much like the reception....i mean, it was great in all, but i think that for what little they showed, they left a lot of gaps inbetween scenes. and i really hope that they decide to make up for it in the deleted scenes on the special features. because, if you haven't read the books, then you dont really understand who the Denali's are....and you dont understand much of what is really going on there.
the speeches were my favorite part, because they were just so personal, and they were funny. and i think that they balanced the reception scenes out a little.
but i DO believe, that they could have explained a little better on the Cullen's side of the family history and who they were.

Part 2- the honeymoon and werewolf pack
i personally thought, that the honeymoon was probably the highlight of the movie all together. i mean, you get to see the romance between them, and the love truly show. and it wasn't just like you were watching a movie, with two actors who memorized their lines...it was like you could relate to the characters. you could feel their emotions, and see the story as if it was real.... esp. when it showed Bella's human minutes. lol. it was REAL, it wasn't just "oh yay lets have sex i'm not nervous, lets get straight to it." no...she was VERY nervous, she was freaking out, and she did all the things that you would as a girl do before seeing your husband naked for the first time, and having sex. i mean, i loved how Stephanie kept it real! and very very accurate. so i really liked that.
and another thing about the honeymoon, was i really enjoyed watching the days pass and seeing the events that Bella and Edward got to do, even if they were short, you didn't need a play by play, your imagination could tell the rest, and you dont get that often. and i think that the producers really did a great job at sticking with the book on how things went with the house cleaners, and how unique it was to have Bella and Edward play chess, rather than Edward and Alice. :) because you never really know then!
one thing i didnt really like about the honeymoon though, was that Edward didnt make her eggs like he did in the book. she made herself chicken, and that was the main thing that Bella really did on the honeymoon that kind of hinted towards her pregnancy. because she ate SO many eggs. and i dont ever remember her eating chicken. lol. so i didnt really like that they left that out. maybe it will be in the deleted scenes.

OK. the werewolf pack!
i REALLY liked how they put things in Jacob's view. i thought that they were really clever, and tricky about it. and i ESPECIALLY liked it when they were in their phased forms and it had their mutated voices talking so we could hear them, i had really been hoping that they would do something like that and they did! and it just really was SO perfect and followed the book really well. of course, as everything cannot be put into there, they got the important parts hands down! so i rate both parts 5 star!

Part 3- the birthing scene and the ending.
it was exactly what the actors and producers said it would be. it was
terrifying
gruesome
heart throbbing
and kept you on your toes
and VERY emotionally torturing
enough said about the birthing scene.
it explains itself. and it is just........if you have a heart at all, you will cry at least a little bit. because it just...omg...i cant even describe it...

and the ending..
i hate endings. but i LOVED how they ended it (i actually hate it lol because it ended with u wanting more)
and the Volturi scene was very very good! just perfect for a perfect ending.

so all in all, it was a very very good movie! and i cant wait to see the next one!!!!
this has been a breaking dawn review from Annabelle :) stay tuned for what i think about the saga's progression in style for each character!!

IT'S FINALLY HERE!

2011-11-18T10:47:00.000-08:00

NOVEMBER 18TH HAS FINALLY ARRIVED!!!!!
whoo hoo!!!
i'm going ALL OUT today!
i'm going to curl my hair, i'm going to wear my new shirt and some nice jeans.
i'm going to wear my twilight perfume, and everything!
:)

i am SUPER excited! and later today i get to see my mom and my BEST friend jordan!!! who i haven't seen
in like a month! lol. it's going to be nice to finally see him. <3
anywhoo! BREAKING DAWN PART 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yayayayayayayyyayayyay!!
PEACE!

Breaking Dawn Part 1...

2011-11-18T01:28:00.000-08:00

EVERYONE I KNOW IS WATCHING THE MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF IT AND I AM STUCK AT HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.............i'm so effing pist....
i have ALWAYS been faithful to the Saga.....and now i'm at home :( and every minute is KILLING me...
I'M GOING INSANE!!! lol.

just a few more hours......i will go to bed and wake up at whatever time....and then the waiting game....
Jordan gets out of school around 2:00 pm.... and then Janice has to pick him up... and then they have to come here.....and then were gonna see when the movie is playing...and THEN WE GET TO WATCH IT!!!
and then lunch after :)
oh if only it was tomorrow already........lol
tomorrow,
wont you come any faster? please....i have waited for you to be here for 4 books, and 3 movies....so please, consider how patient i have been with you and HURRY YOUR MO*FO* ASS UP ALREADY!!!....

thank you....
sincerely,
Annabelle.

Wake Up...

2011-11-17T15:26:00.000-08:00

Afternoon!
It's 3:15 pm right now here in Oregon...and i am blogging.
I got stood up today :(
actually, i believe that he didn't really mean to do it...but nevertheless, i'm on blogger.com rather than with my date. yep....we were supposed to go out at 2:00, and a no show....
i'm thinking about waiting a little bit longer, just because i know that things happen....but even so...you could at least tell the person you are gonna be late...or not there at all right?
Even so, i find that my dog keeps running over to the window and the door for no apparent reason..i dont see anyone when i look outside, and i know he isnt just chasing the flies...
*sigh*
Never really been stood up before......and i'm still pretty unsure about calling it 'stood up' because one way or another something happens.....i just hate counting on a certain time, and then always being let down..
this is like the 3-4 time he has let me down on a time that he would be there............
he keeps saying, "i swear i will be there by __:__ am/pm" and then he never shows.....
he always shows up later though......so why tell me that certain time, rather than just say "i swear i will be there sometime that day, i dont know what time yet." .....is that so hard?
i mean....

you dont get a girl's hopes up and then let them crash and burn........esp. if you know that it's something that was supposed to be important...well.....sorta important...
*sigh* it's bad enough when you do it more than 2 times....but 4?
she must really have patience for you......or just really love you....i havent decided yet.
i'll see him around 5ish probably or 6 ...... i'll just talk with him about it then....
do you guys have any advice for me on this subject?
i just kinda feel like i need to wake up and realize that i shouldn't get my hopes up.....but rather, to just go with the flow and see him when i do....

comment below and tell me what you think...i would really appreciate it..
thanks..

Instinct vs. Fear

2011-11-16T19:14:00.000-08:00

OK...so i feel better now that i got my other music on :) the kind of music that relaxes my mind haha.

So i think my day has gotten a bit more exciting than i was expecting it would. lol. The only down side to things, is i smell gas in my apartment. And NO! not the kind that comes from your bum bum bum bum. lol.
i smelled it a few minutes ago, and i think it's coming from my neighbors house, because recently they have been doing some weird stuff in their apartment lol. banging around, and slamming doors, and cleaning, and now gas. haha. wow, where do i live again?

last night i helped some girl out who was on the floor below me....
i felt really bad for her, because her and her boyfriend were fighting (which they do A LOT) and it got a little too out of hand, and he SLAMMED her against the door (i only know this because i was outside and i saw him do it....) and she was balling and asking him to stop, and begging him for her school stuff, and to use the phone so she could call her mom, and he would just say "too bad" over and over....and slammed the door in her face, and left her out in the cold with no way of warmth or a way home.
i HATE dudes like him........anyways, so i went down there and offered her my phone and she cried and said thank you and stuff, and couldnt get ahold of anyone, so i told her if she needed anything, to just come up to the balcony.

and a few minutes later he opened up the door and started screaming at her for talking to me.....WTF?! and she balled and said to stop bagging on other people and stuff......so after he went back inside, i grabbed a blanket (a throw blanket, but still warm) and sprayed some lavender on it and went down there with my phone again and talked with her and told her i knew what it was like and stuff. and you should have seen the relief in her eyes when she saw me coming back down, and with a blanket. :) it was the BEST feeling in the world, and she got a hold of her mom, which made things even better. i told her she could keep the blanket. :)

i cannot believe that there is only one more day separating me from breaking dawn!!!!! i have been truly faithful to the movies, and the books and i have waited for this moment for 4 books and 3 movies!!!
i cant wait! it's so exciting :)

i cant shake this feeling that something is wrong though....like, i feel fine......i look fine....things around me are ok....so i have no idea what could be wrong...maybe an instinct? i have no idea....
but i'm going to cut this off before it gets too long...
comment below and tell me two things:

1. if your a twilight fan, and if you are what scene your looking MOST forward to in the movie.

and

2. have you ever gotten like a gut feeling that something bad was going to happen, like an instinct and then have it be completely true not too much longer after? or how about the opposite, have it be completely false! let me know!! i would love to hear what you have to say.

Mind Numbing Music....How i love you!

2011-11-16T15:54:00.000-08:00

Have you ever woken up, and just felt.....blah?
Like you almost regret waking up? So you try and go back to sleep, and you find that you just cant go back to sleep? But you can lay there and make yourself numb instead?.....That's kind of how i woke up today...
Today has not been my day what so ever.
Actually, if were going to be honest, i woke up multiple times, reacting to multiple dreams i was having....i even found evidence on my bed! i was talking to my fan.......and trying to get it to answer me, because i had missed what it had said....i'm sure in my dream it was something different, because i held up my notepad and put a question mark on it like it would understand..........fail.....
i even got on yahoo and posted a status that said "now that i'm awake, i'm going back to bed"....
lol does that make sense?

anyways....
so when i officially got up, i just knew that today wasnt going to be fun. but i also knew that it was probably due to the fact that my house needed cleaned...lol.
it's raining outside....and i cant seem to comprehend it....i guess it's because i havent quite come back yet...
sometime during the later morning, i decided i had had enough of my emotions, because for some odd reason i was crying...*counts on fingers* lets see....it IS only a few days until the 20th...damn aunt flo....
anyways. so i shut my emtions off as best as i could manage, and to help that, i put on some mind numbing music....something that wouldnt bring up memories, that was loud, hard, and something that would i usually wouldnt listen to because i cant usually understand it..... Metal music.....and i still have it playing...and it is really helping...
it's almost like having a little shield around your brain and your heart, because whenever i go to think about something that has to do with something sad, it seems like i cant think straight because of the music, and that alters my emotions, which is EXACTLY what i wanted. so i'm just getting the best out of the deal i suppose.....

anyways....
so, i decided it was probably time to clean my house up...not that there was much to really do...
just some dishes (cups) in the sink, wiping the cubbords down, and cleaning up the bathroom. . .
i vaccumed the living room, even though it didnt really need it....
idk..

but why am i blogging?
i know everyone has a story....and some tell the reason, and some dont...
i guess you could say, that i'm blogging because i just need to get some part of me out there...
i need to tell the world SOMETHING....otherwise i'm unseen, unheard, unknown...in some way...

and i want to make some friends on here.....some people, or just someone who understands me....who i can understand, and who can relate to me when i put my life out there....and so on lol
that's my story...that's pretty much it... i'm sorry if it's not fascinating lol.
i do have a sense of humor...i promise

but....my name is Annabelle. and i'm sure you know that...
and this is my life story...i promise that it's only today that i feel so blah...lol
can anyone relate??
let me know if you can! because i'm lost at what to say.