And here i though YESTERDAY sucked....

Today is just going to be one of those days.....and just like yesterday, i'm not too happy about it...
last night was probably one of the worst nights ever.....and i'm just about ready to throw my towel in and say "forget this, i deserve better" .......because ALL i ever get these days....is DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA...

my brother (by friendship adoption only) is trying to convince me to move to Lebanon with him, and asked me to move IN with him....and any other time, i would just laugh and tell him he was crazy...but now... with everything that is going on with my boyfriend max and our family.....getting away from it all for awhile...and being around other people...kind of sounds nice....

i'm trying to not get my hopes up about mine and max's future...because right now...it's not going anywhere but downhill.......and his family..is driving me INSANE....all they care about is control, r**e, abuse, and getting their way......they dont even care about how other people feel....and i have been trying to be patient with them....but i just cant anymore...

his dad wants me to move in with them....so they can all be a "family" again...BUTTTT.....i dont think that's such a hot idea....considering the fact that i'm already peeved out with his dad and if i lived with him....that just would not be on the recommended list for me...
*sigh*

apparently he is on his way here... (max) ...and that's so exciting...
but things always happen to prevent it...like...no joke...something ALWAYS happens...and it's getting a little too convenient....
ne'ways...

if he shows up at my door...i SWEAR i'm gonna faint! lol.
no joke dude.....because it's been forever since i've seen him, and when i get to see him again, i'm gonna faint lol.

anyways...
i really need some help......my heart says one thing, while my head says another....
and right now....i dont know WHAT to do.....i dont have any one to talk to about it who is on the "in" when it comes to mine and max's relationship except my best friend jordan, and he is at school right now lol.
i know that i should just chill out ..... but i cant....because i know how this is going to end....and i am just SO DAMN SICK AND TIRED of all this drama!....it may be someone's fantasy and someone's FUCKED UP mind to love being around all that and all......which is fine... FOR THEM .... but i'm NOT that kind of girl....and i went through that with my EX boyfriend....and i REFUSE to go through it again.....

and i just KNOW that something fishy is up.......i can sense it.......
and this is just how i feel......well.....for the past 2 days, it's how i have felt..
but then again i am VERY bi-polar....
haha...

confusing arent i?

this will probably all blow over in a few days, and things will be back to how they were before.....but i really dont have a few days to give you.....
if you can prove to me, that this is everything you say it is....and that it's not anything like what happened before...and you actually follow through with your plans....then we will talk...

until then...........please..........just stop twisting my heart around and fucking with my emotions and my trust for other people...dont ruin it....i'm a person too....and i just want to live my life with what's real, fun, and worth it.....i've made my share of mistakes.....dont punish me for them.....i'm trying to move forward with my life....and i DO NOT have to do that, with all the bullshit.....i have a choice not to.....but i am.....and it's killing me... JUST END IT....please.....

because if you dont......by this time february/march.....i will be in lebanon, living a new life...
because it's just too painful....to live this one....

your blogger girl,
Annabelle